17 months ago my life, yet again, turned upside down, when I was told I had cancer. For the first three months after surgery I was stuck in bed, wasn’t not allowed to do anything and after that, I was limited to what I could do, with ease — you know things like, walking, sitting, standing for more than 10 minutes at a time. Fast forward to today — I am getting my stitches out today. (YAY!) I had my third surgery three weeks ago and by the Grace of God, I will not need anymore, and it will heal properly and I will back up and about by the end of the year.
My point is this, as yes there is a point in here somewhere. I can give you one perfect example of why your life is simply divine, in one easy to answer question.
Are you able to hop in the shower and hop back without any trouble at all?
If you answered YES then, By Golly, Your Life is Swell, Simply Swell.
Since having the first surgery 17 months ago, (and three more surgeries since)I cannot do that, I need help, I am no longer able to stand in the shower. I have worked around this issue, and all I have to do is plan, because this simple, everyday, activity that most people give nary a thought, is an exhausting process — and lends itself to not being able to do anything else for the rest of the day, other than sleep.
I am truly blessed and I am not complaining by any stretch of the imagination. I am simply pointing out the mundane everyday activities that we take for granted should be celebrated because, baby, if you can get up, move about your home, your portion of the world, without any help at all, little to no pain, then your life doesn’t suck.
Celebrating all the simple things reminds you of how truly blessed you are.
I have said it before but I feel it bears repeating, if you don’t have three things from the start (Trust Honesty and Respect) your relationship will be over before it begins; it most certainly does not magically transpire after an over-priced, over-the-top blown out wedding. Marriage is not about the biggest diamond ring, the most beautiful dress, or a $2,000 chocolate cake — it is about two people sharing their lives together, growing emotionally and spiritually closer over time forsaking all others. If a woman insists on having her fiancée spend more than he can afford on a ring, insist their wedding put either themselves or their parents into serious debt she is not mature enough to be in a relationship and definitely not ready for the life-long commitment of marriage.
If you find yourself in a relationship and it isn’t everything you had hoped it to be—simply ask yourself a few questions:
“Would I put up with this behavior from my best friend?”
“Would I put up with this from anyone else in my life?”
If the answer is “NO” then ask yourself
“Why am I putting up with it now?”
Honestly question why you may indeed be willing to put up with such behavior.
I like having sex.
I don’t want to start over.
I don’t wish to be alone.
I can’t do any better.
Trust Honesty and Respect are the foundations for life,
Without these three things you have ~~~~ nothing.
Do not go online to find yourself a date /mate, go outside, join a club or engage in an activity you are interested in, meet people at the grocery store, the book store, your children’s sporting events. This not to say there are not high quality people online, I am sure there are but people that socialize with a computer more than reality are not who you should hang out with for the rest of your life. It all comes back to closing your laptop, unplugging your computer, turning off your mp3 player and begin conversing with yourself and with those who share your world. In this all about me society we live in it is time we take a step back, re-group and slow down; simplicity is the key.
The first step in knowing who you are is to sit down in a quiet place, no phones, no kids, no electronic gadgets of any kind and listen; just listen.
Listen to the silence.
Listen to your heartbeat.
Listen to your breath.
Just sit and listen, contemplate who you are, not the employee you are, the mom, the dad, the wife, the husband, the best friend nor whom you “think’ you are, contemplate your fears, your hopes, your wishes, your dreams; cry if you must because this is the way to inner peace which brings about outer peace and finally contentment. The first step to great relationships is improving the one you have with yourself, one needs to let go of who you were suppose to be and embrace who you are right here right now. Life may not always work out like we have planned but it always works out the way it is suppose to; there are no wrong turns just different paths.
Think of relationships this way, any relationship you may have; you are there for one of two reasons, 1- To learn from or 2- To teach.
My marriage, was indeed a hurtful, dysfunctional, abusive relationship, horrible in every sense of the word that involved two people who had no business being together; yet without this relationship however dysfunctional, my children would not be alive. The sole reason for my marriage is quite clear; my children.
Ponder the above for a while, and then move towards what you truly deserve.
Have a Simply Spectacular Day.
My relationship with my father was a bit complicated,(an understatement actually) none the less, today he is with me and we are both smiling.
I love you and miss you more than you could possibly know, or maybe you do know.
Happy Father’s Day.
My father called me Gertrude. Why? Heaven only knows. For those interested: A link to my Hollywood Father is here
When the good Lord was creating Fathers he started with a tall frame. And a female angel nearby said, “What kind of Father is that? If you’re going to make children so close to the ground, why have you put fathers up so high? He won’t be able to shoot marbles without kneeling, tuck a child in bed without bending, or even kiss a child without a lot of stooping.”
And God smiled and said, “Yes, but if I make him child size, who would children have to look up to?”
And when God made a Father’s hands, they were large and sinewy. And the angel shook her head sadly and said, “Do you know what you’re doing? Large hands are clumsy. They can’t manage diaper pins, small buttons, rubber bands on pony tails or even remove splinters caused by baseball bats.”
And God smiled and said, “I know, but they’re large enough to hold everything a small boy empties from his pockets at the end of a day…yet small enough to cup a child’s face in his hands.”
And then God moulded long, slim legs and broad shoulders. And the angel nearly had a heart attack. “Boy, this is the end of the week, all right,” she clucked. “Do you realize you just made a Father without a lap? How is he going to pull a child close to him without the kid falling between his legs?”
And God smiled and said, “A mother needs a lap. A father needs strong shoulders to pull a sled, balance a boy on a bicycle, and hold a sleepy head on the way home from the circus.”
God was in the middle of creating two of the largest feet anyone had every seen when the angel could contain herself no longer. “That’s not fair. Do you honestly think those large boats are going to dig out of bed early in the morning when the baby cries? Or walk through a small birthday party without crushing at least three of the guests?”
And God smiled and said, “They’ll work. You’ll see. They’ll support a small child who wants to ride a horse to Banbury Cross, or scare off mice at the summer cabin, or display shoes that will be a challenge to fill.”
God worked throughout the night, giving the Father few words, but a firm authoritative voice; eyes that saw everything, but remained calm and tolerant. Finally, almost as an afterthought, he added tears. Then he turned to the angel and said, “Now, are you satisfied that he can love as much as a Mother?”
The angel shutteth up.
“Children’s children are the crown of old men, and the glory of children is their father.” (Proverbs 17:7).
I find myself at a crossroads, and while I have collaborated with those close to me, I figured I would throw it out there for anyone who wishes to weigh in with their two cents.
My quandary is such:
Does airing all (or at least most of it) the dirty laundry help create interest as to what not to do and thus help those who are facing the same issues overcome them? OR does airing all the dirty laundry create the opposite effect – one of being viewed as ridiculous and in the same category as the over the top ridiculous Hollywood women who keep landing in jail?
In a nutshell – I have been through the ringer, my journey has led me to some dark places and partaking in activities that I am most certainly not proud of, but I wouldn’t change a thing, as simply this: if I hadn’t experienced the dark side I wouldn’t be where I am today. However, as much as society seems to be shock proof, we still ostracize those who step over the line. (unless of course you’re some sort of Hollywood Elite, as then stupidity seems to be favored and boosts careers.)
So, my question is do I open the door and let out all the skeletons, or do I just leave them in the closet? Do you wish to read about my sordid love affairs, my shenanigans, my life as it was when I was spiraling out of control? Do I simply throw it all out there and state exactly who I am, what I stand for and see where it lands?
Yes, I know that was more than one question. :)
Please leave your 2 cents below.
Helpful Hint: For those struggling to lose weight, you have to, in addition to eating right and exercise, DITCH THE ALCOHOL.
Because your body can’t store alcohol and must metabolize it right away, other metabolic processes suffer. Your body won’t metabolize sugars and fats as efficiently during the metabolism of alcohol, and drinking heavily can cause your metabolism to slow. This can contribute to weight gain, as can the empty calories found in alcohol.
Healthy is an important factor to becoming the person you wish to be – eating right, exercise, and (in general) taking care of yourself is one word – sexy.
Creating balance in one’s life is essential, as it is one-step closer to clarity.
In finding your purpose, you will find your balance.
Explore ‘why’ you are here.
What is your passion? What brings you joy?
Balance is not about how many activities you cram into a day;
it is about how many you let go.
Understand. Appreciate. Comprehend. Know.
Becoming compassionate towards yourself and others brings our world closer together.
The peace we find within glows brightly for the world to see.
Appreciate all that you are, the good, the bad, and everything in between.
Be aware of the difference between your wants and needs and act accordingly.
Know that you can change the world with the choices you make.
One could drown in the constant barrage of advice floating around on the internet; questioning yourself is one thing, basing which way to turn in regards to relationships from the internet is entirely different. Sit and think about what you wish from any relationship, romantic, platonic, professional; every interaction is a “relationship” and should be considered as such.
The first step to improvement is the most difficult but once you have taken that first step, each subsequent step is relatively easy. What is the first step you ask? The first step is the relationship you have with yourself, you must embrace all that you are, understand that being single and being alone are poles apart – if you are happy within your core, your soul, you shall never be alone. Take care of yourself first, your heart, your soul, your health, as only then will you thrive with all whom you connect.
Trust, Honesty and Respect are the Foundations of Life,
Without Them You Have Nothing.
My thoughts, come, and go, flutter here and there, as my Zen is still missing, It is still off partying with the Beautiful People, I truly think it doesn’t care for the constant chronic pain that has become the norm, (Cancer it’s a bitch) or maybe it just loves the sun and has traveled on holiday for a fabulous decadent, somewhat naughty, vacation. Wherever it may be, I will, (like a reluctant lover), be waiting for its embrace upon its return. In the meantime, I take what coherent thoughts that come to mind and quickly transcribe them to paper. Since The Potter Principle requires a bit more concentration (I would hate to steer your life towards Drama-land) I am working on my humorous book on dating— my life immediately after 20 years of marriage. Yes, all dates are real—I have simply changed the names to protect the not so innocent. :)
The World According to Mister Argyle.
He held a certain ideal about how his world should be, an air of so called sophistication, how his ex wife use to be, and he was not deviating from his goal of finding ‘her’. His first question should have a sign that this was destine for the first, last date list. What type of style do you have? Lauren? Claiborne? Armani? Who? Despite polar opposite views on life, love, and the definition of style, we decided to meet for a drink.
A Friday night is always crowded at the local hotspot and there were plenty of people to see and be seen, which has always been a conundrum in itself, those who think the whole Hollywood scene is the end all be all to life — it isn’t. The usual suspects were in attendance — the forty something woman who was trying to look thirty something with her short skirt and as much makeup as a circus clown in search of a young stud to ‘show the way’ — the middle-aged man would was trolling for women old enough be his daughter, and the twenty something young women trying to find their sugar daddy’s so they wouldn’t have to work — ever.
I have often wondered once a man gets past the ton of makeup, the lift, separate and support, pushup, suck it in, your basic bond it all together intimate apparel, can it be classified as false advertising? Do women even realize that having their plastic surgeon on speed dial is a sure sign of happiness of the soul issues and that outward appearance should be a reflection of who you are as a woman. If plastic and fake is what you are going for then be my guest. I digress . . .
I have never been comfortable in bars, possibly due to the fact I had never stepped into one, even those that are part of a restaurant. I was taught that these are not the places for young ladies to frequent — I never did. Nevertheless, I found my way to the bar, sat down, and ordered a beer. Mr. Argyle would soon frown upon my choice. Oh no! Gasp! Straight out of a bottle? Say it isn’t so! I fixated upon the baseball game that was on the bar television. My second mistake. Baseball? Oh my! You are one of those free thinkers aren’t you? My third mistake would be my attire, as I had come directly from work and business attire, black slacks, white blouse, and my ever present ballet slippers (not a fan of shoes) was neither fashionable, nor suitable evening wear in Mr. Argyle’s eyes. Hippy Chick.
The arrival of Mr. Argyle nearly sent me flying off my barstool in laughter, as I frantically tried to remember the last time I saw a man wearing an argyle sweater vest and upon further investigation — matching socks. I managed to contain my laughter as he grabbed the barstool next to me and promptly ordered an Apple Martini. The awkward conversation centered on his ex-wife’s style of dress, her activities, and everything else he missed about her and so desperately trying to duplicate with every new woman he met. His voice faded in the background of noise, laughter, music and the occasional roar of approval towards the baseball game in progress —I began to tune out as his constant droning on and on about the exceptional qualities of his ex-wife was rather boorish and my mind began to wander. For a guy who searches for all the qualities of a trophy wife, I wonder if he has looked in the mirror lately, overweight, or maybe just short for his height. Grey hair a rumbled mess and that ridiculous argyle sweater vest. Who actually wears a sweater vest? Outside of the house and on purpose?
Our date ended when the last drop of his Martini had disappeared.