Hello My Lovely, Loyal Readers.
First, I would like to thank you for your patience with my not so punctual performance here, as I deal with the Cancer Conundrum and thus my inefficient postings. I do believe, as of this morning, I may be seeing some light at the end of this very long tunnel. (No, not that light, just a bright spot on figuring out my ‘new normal’.)
While it is important to speak of Melanoma Cancer, the fact that it is not ‘just skin cancer’ and ‘not a big deal’ and that 1 American dies from melanoma every hour, I must move on for my own sake. I shall share updates as I go along, for example I have another PET scan on the 15th and with any luck at all, as luck has been on my side, I shall be ‘pet’ free. Yes, humor makes this entire situation a bit more bearable. As for my humor, it seems to me, and those around me the more pain I am in, the more jokes I crack. I wonder sometimes were these jokes come from as I have always been so serious, so focused on doing work — I am was a work-a-holic. The last note I would like to mention about my Cancer Conundrum is that Monday May 5, 2014 is Melanoma Monday and I would suggest you check your spots, as may no spot be unturned. Here is a link to vital information on what to look for in order to avoid your own Conundrum. For those wishing more information about my life with cancer, my door is always open, feel free to send an email and let’s chat.
So what shall you write about, you may be wondering. Well, I have the answer, I have decided to write an installment series on who I am, where I have been, and how I ended up where I am today, as I certainly know that being a voyeur into another’s world can be quite hypnotic. I do, however, still struggle with stringing words along in a sensible order, as always will be a perfectionist and thus poetic thoughts are difficult to come by lately, but I shall give it a whirl and see what comes of it. I simply ask for your patience and understanding.
Let the frivolity commence!
In a galaxy far, far away…. Oh, wait that opening has already been taken.
We shall begin with an overview, a synopsis if you will.
I have spent a half century on this planet, and growing up in the 70’s in Southern California is an experience in its own. I was brought up in such a fashion that women should be women, while men should be men and I honestly believe in the convention of women’s work and there is nothing feminine about feminists. I believe in Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates as my guides to understanding the big why of it all, as grasping this concept is what drives me forward. I am fascinating in understanding why American society no longer dresses to go outside, as in many of us feel that pajama’s and looking disheveled is acceptable. Have we lost all pride? I still, at the tender age of 49 and 3/4’s have difficulty entering a bar as it is not a place for ‘ladies’. I believe women should take care of their men in order for their men to take care of them. My views on intimacy are different from most women I know — but alas, this is what makes life so wonderful — different perspectives. I have never been a so called ‘girly-girl’ and find the whole shopping phenomenon mind-boggling.
My father’s life story, as far as I know it, is an amazing journey in itself. Sadly, I did not appreciate his wealth of knowledge until after his death, in so much as he was rarely around during my childhood. He is a fine example of hard work will get you where you need to be, with nothing but an 8th grade education and a ton of determination he went from errand boy at RKO to an executive at Tri-Star Pictures. There are times I wish I knew that guy, and not the guy I knew as my father. (note I use the word father, not dad..it says a lot.)
As a child, I was taught that children should be seen and not heard, and preferably not seen either, which was the standard protocol of child rearing during the 60’s/70’s. I was brought up in such a fashion as young ladies were to be taught to be delightful housewives. Yet, in the same respect, upon my father’s insistence, and necessity, I also learned everything there is know about ‘the department of the exterior’ as he would refer to house maintenance, as my mother was in charge of ‘the department of interior’. In so much I can fix most anything that comes my way. I am pretty self sufficient — as every woman should be.
As a teenager I was, most certainly, a rebel without a cause.
I endured an abusive marriage, crazy boyfriends, and had to reach rock bottom to realize that I did not deserve such treatment, thus finding the courage to re-invent myself. I’ve had a mid-life crisis, a complete mental breakdown, and recovered from it all — learning tremendous lessons. I broke the cycle of abuse but it was not easy, as I come from a long line of alcoholics and serious dysfunction.
I spent the first half of my life working in office/financial management and at some-point, I decided that I needed a college education as years earlier my life as a teenage rebel had no room for such nonsense. At forty, I began the college degree journey. I have two degrees now, Law and Management. The law degree was so I could understand the legal process — being embroiled in Los Angeles family court and not understanding how to play the game was unacceptable. If it was only unacceptable before I lost everything that would have been good. Oh Captain Hindsight, you are so brilliant. I earned a management degree in Hospitality because I had a vision of lovely retreat for those who struggle in life, (walk a similar path as to my own) as a way to guide them towards happiness. I honestly do not know if this will ever happen, due to the cancer deal, but one never knows. I have authored a book and contributed to several others. For more information about these just email me and I shall direct you towards them, as I am not one to toot my own horn, so many do not know about my writing.
After losing it all, except the clothes on my back, I moved from Los Angeles, to the Midwest, where I knew one person — in essence, I hit the Ctrl-Alt-Delete button and began anew.
I shall expand upon these points as learning how ‘not to conduct life’ from someone who did everything backwards, may indeed be useful to someone else.
Have a tremendous day, knowing that if I could certainly walk through the fire of dysfunction and out the other side, so can you. Life only holds drama as long as you let it, as soon as you no longer find it acceptable, it stops.